Call them Toxic People, Emotional Vampires, Poison People, whatever you want, they are truly the most sinister and damaging people you can ever encounter. They usually appear to to be upstanding, kind, friendly and well-balanced to the general public. In private they are the most sinister personalities you will ever be threatened with. They are perfectly capable of ripping your heart out, demeaning you existence and killing your soul and spirit. And they won't give a damn but just come back for more.
http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/life/8-toxic-personalities-to-avoid-461078
http://counseling.suite101.com/article.cfm/how_to_deal_with_toxic_people
http://www.amazon.com/Toxic-People-Ways-Dealing-Miserable/dp/0312152329
Most that you meet will be casual acquaintances, co-workers or such. In these cases it can be an annoyance but one that can be addressed fairly easily. Nearly the only way to handle folks like this is to just walk away from them or avoid them, they are not easily changed and most will not acknowledge any problem with themselves.
Where the real harm comes in at is when you are married to one or a family member is one.
Normally I can handle most people I encounter and either address and settle any issues that come up or find a way to overcome what's thrown at me. This is one personality that I am ill equipped to handle and the only one that has left me bitter over the consequences. In my case it is a very close family member that has literally ripped a family in two and has turned the sides against each other. After 5 years of trying to appease, please, perform, resolve, reach a compromise or find a solution that would end the demeaning, belittling attacks I finally only found peace by distancing myself from them.
Unfortunately it has also meant a separation from those I hold most dear.
So, I guess this is not so much a blog this time as a question: Have you ever been in such a situation or not and how did you/would you handle it? Comments from all of my 1 1/2 readers would be greatly appreciated.
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I have been in that position. The soultion is not easy, but it is very clear.Relationships with those you love and ones that love you WILL survive. If someone is emotionaly bankrupt,they can sap every ounce of energy & drive out of you. you will be of no use to yourself or anyone else. This is not how life was ment to be lived.Personally, my new mantra is help others.take center focus off yourself, as there is ALWAYS someone in worse shape.reach out in love to those who reach back & avoid the ones that use your misery to make themselves feel better. They dont deserve your time or consideration.The one thing you must do however, is forgive. you dont have to forget, you don't have to carry on a relationship with them, but you must forgive.Anger & bitterness will consume you,and even tho moving on may be the hardest thing to do, it is a necessary step to begin healing & becomming whole again.you have friends that are here for you. we listen, love & encourage.I wish you peace in your adventure, as life is all about adventures. some good, some not so good, but the next one is right around the corner...and it may be simply amayzing. Peace my friend.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you're going through this. i don't have a solution but I have no doubt that you did your best to resolve it before it got to this point.
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